It's About Damn Time.

I thought about it and realized that I never write when I feel like this, deliriously happy for absolutely no fathomable reason. I always write when I'm unhappy but never when I'm happy.
Obviously this happiness is slightly synthetic (ie: hormone induced), since I think it's just one of those rare times when my PMS does not manifest itself as severe clinical depression, instead it comes about as a butterflies-in-my-stomach, heart-beating-erratically, flushed-with-excitement kind of happiness. It's not a bad feeling and infact it's been a long time since I've felt this way. If memory serves correct, I think the last time may have been eleventh grade and that was actually four years ago. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I'm forever wallowing in a pool of my own despair (I know it may seem that way to most, but I'm really not). I'm generally happy enough, I have a good life (mashallah), one that I'm very thankful for. It's just that it's been a very long time since I've felt this sort of unbridled excitement, the kind that makes you feel as if anything is possible and that all sorts of good things are waiting for you round the corner. The sort of feeling that says "your life has just begun, live it"!
So who cares if it's idiotic and erratic and bears a strong resemblance to severe bipolar, and probably won't last past 2pm tomorrow afternoon, when all the caffiene I'm hopped up on wears off and real life (ie: pharma and patho and oral) comes creeping back in. It doesn't matter. I'm happy tonight and I think I'll just leave it at that.

Unwell.

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
- Matchbox 20.

Schizophrenic.

These lyrics epitomize where I stand these days.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see
-One Republic.

Pocketful of Sunshine
I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine
I got a love and I know that it's all mine
Ohhh
Whoa
Do what you want but you're never going to break me
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me
Nooo
Woah
Take me away (Take me away)
A secret place (A secret place)
A sweet escape (A sweet escape)
Take me away (Take me away)
Take me away (Take me away)
To better days (To better days)
Take me away (Take me away)
A hiding place (A hiding place)
-Natasha Bedingfield.