Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.......
What should I do, just around and go home?
No not now, it took you so long to get here.
What should I do, ask them to take me back?
No not now, it's been too long.
What should I do, just stand here and disappear into the crowd?
No, you're already invisible.
What should I do, forget why I'm here and go somewhere new?
No, there's no place left to go.
Then tell me, what should I do?
Stop and wait, wait for the world to stop spinning, wait for your knees to stop shaking, wait for your hands to stop sweating, wait for your lips to stop quivering, wait for your heart to stop racing, wait for your mind to stop screaming, wait for your soul to stop wanting, wait for the crowd to stop gasping, wait for their eyes to stop mocking, wait for the vultures to stop circling...
Then take a step forward and start walking, because you have a journey to complete, a destination to reach and there isn't much time.... no time to look back and regret, no time to look ahead and fear, look around you and be grateful for the distance you have covered, thankful for the places you have seen, nostalgic for the time that has passed, sorrowful for what you have lost, and hopeful for what has yet to happen....but then.... keep walking.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Where Does It All End?
I take it back. As mad as I may be at the rest of the world, even I can't shut myself away from what's happening in Gaza. It's terrible and it's wrong. But it does make me wonder whether the holocaust really was so horrific. Whatever I've ever read or heard or studied or known about the holocaust always made it seem like it was this unthinkable evil, and I believed it and sympathized, and I still do. But what I am entirely unable to understand is; how a race of people, who have apparently survived such a cruel example of human nature, could treat others with the same inhumanity just a few decades down the line? Maybe it's some form of Stockholm Syndrome, you know. Identifying with the abuser and all that, and Gaza is just a manifestation of it.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Naked Lunch: Blow Daddy
By Nadeem F. Paracha
Dawn Images
04/01/09
Daddy?
Yes, son.
Are we going to have a war with India?
Perhaps.
Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!
It wasn’t in 1857, son.
Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?
The British, son…
And the Hindus too, right?
Well…
Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?
No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.
Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?
There was no Pakistan in those days, son.
But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!
Who have you been talking to, son?
No one. I’ve just been watching TV.
It figures.
Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs?
Arabs? But we aren’t Arabs, son.
Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!
No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock.
Sub-what?
Never mind.You seem to like wars, son.
Yes. I like to watch them on TV.
But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.
Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?
Never mind.
Daddy, you look worried.
Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!
Daddy! Why are you scolding me?
Because TV is talking rot and so are you!
Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?
No!
Daddy, have you become a kafir?
Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.
Can’t do that.
But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.
Not any more.
What do you mean?
I burned them all.
What?!
I burned them all.
I heard that! But why?
They spread obscenity.
Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?
It’s almost complete.
Good boy. What are you making?
A bomb.
What?!
A bomb.
I heard that! But why?
Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.
But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land.
That’s different.
How come?
Mickey Mouse is Muslim.
No, he isn’t.
Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon.
On the moon?
Yes. Because the earth is flat and…
What??
The earth is…
I heard that!
Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?
Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you.
No, she wont.
Really?
Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.
God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!
She can’t come.
Why not?
I’ve locked her in the kitchen.
But what for?
A woman’s place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up properly!
But she’s your mother!
She’s also a woman!
So?
So she should be hidden.
Hidden from whom?
The whole world and Tony.
Tony?
Yes, Tony.
But Tony’s a cat.
Yes. But he’s male.
Son, have you gone mad?
No. By the way, I’ve made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.
Kitto?
Yes, Kittto.
But Kitto’s a cat!
Yes. But a female cat.
But she’ll suffocate.
Oh, she’s already dead.
What?
She’s already dead.
I heard that! But how?
I buried her alive.
You what?
Yes. To avenge Tony’s honour. But now I will behead Tony.
But why?
To save mom’s honour!
Oh, God!
Don’t say that. Always say Allah.
What’s the difference?
Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?
No!
Do you want to be stoned to death?
No!
Do you want to be flogged?
No!
Do you want to get your arms chopped off?
No!
Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won’t call you daddy anymore.
What will you call me then?
Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.
I don’t know any Arabic, son.
That’s because you are a kafir.
Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!
What’s a fascist?
An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!
W... aaaaaaa...
Why are you crying?
You scolded me.
Okay, I’m sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.
I have no books.
Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.
I burned them.
What?
I burned them.
But why?
They were all in English.
So?
It’s a non-Muslim language!
But we are speaking English, aren’t we?
W... aaaaaaa…
What now?
Zionists made me forget my Arabic.
But you never knew any Arabic, son.
W... aaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops… aaaaa…
Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?
Sure, dad.
Can you blow up something for me?
Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?
No, no, something a lot more sinister.
Mom?
No, no…
What then?
The TV set!
What?
Blow the TV set.
I heard that! But why?
Just do it!
I see. Dad?
Yes.
You’re so unconstitutional!
Is there anything more left to say honestly. This is a brilliant piece of writing simply because in one imaginary conversation Paracha has managed to highlight one of the most important issues facing Pakistan today, the talibanisation of our society. The fact is the world seems to think the that terrorists and the iraq war and the taliban have really only affected the "civillized", "liberal", "secular" parts of the world. That 9/11 was significant only for the US, well guess what, it wasn't. In barely a decade it has almost destroyed us. I'm done sympathizing with the rest of the world. I'm not going to wear black armbands for mumbai, we suffer the mumbai "carnage" everyday of the week, be it in Karachi or Lahore or Peshawar or Islamabad or Quetta. I'm not going to wear ribbons for Palestine because no muslim country has ever defended us, infact they've stood there pointing fingers at us and making us their scapegoats just so their precious economies don't crumble incase of a mass exodus of american dollars. All the US occupation of Afghanistan has done is pushed the militants into our territory, it hasn't solved anything. It's more like they've been told well you really can't ruin Afghanistan any further, why not cause turmoil in Pakistan, they're muslim too you know, but not very good ones. We are slowly losing every little nuance that defined us as a nation in it's own right, our own people are beginning to forget that we aren't arab, we aren't indian and we're not afghan. We're Pakistani. A beautiful amalgamation of centuries of cultural influences from every region of the world, our entire heritage is like no other. We can trace our lineage back to the indus valley civilisation (ghandara, harrapa, moehenjodaro), the mongols, the persians, the turks, the arabs and even the greeks. Even our language is a mix; turkish and persian and arabic and sanskrit and uncountable smaller regional dialects. We don't belong to any single nation, but are a wondrous people in our own right. I can't understand why we forget that so easily, why we have to constantly prove ourselves to somebody or the other, be they muslim or non-muslim. I'm done pretending I care. But you know what, we're going to make it anyway, we're going to survive through it all, because we still have people who remember what being pakistani means, who are trying as best as they can to retain their identity and trying to remind others of theirs. Be it through writing or music or art or media, some how, we'll survive this disaster as well
Hmmmm....I guess I did have plenty left to say.
Dawn Images
04/01/09
Daddy?
Yes, son.
Are we going to have a war with India?
Perhaps.
Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!
It wasn’t in 1857, son.
Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?
The British, son…
And the Hindus too, right?
Well…
Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?
No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.
Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?
There was no Pakistan in those days, son.
But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!
Who have you been talking to, son?
No one. I’ve just been watching TV.
It figures.
Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs?
Arabs? But we aren’t Arabs, son.
Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!
No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock.
Sub-what?
Never mind.You seem to like wars, son.
Yes. I like to watch them on TV.
But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.
Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?
Never mind.
Daddy, you look worried.
Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!
Daddy! Why are you scolding me?
Because TV is talking rot and so are you!
Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?
No!
Daddy, have you become a kafir?
Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.
Can’t do that.
But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.
Not any more.
What do you mean?
I burned them all.
What?!
I burned them all.
I heard that! But why?
They spread obscenity.
Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?
It’s almost complete.
Good boy. What are you making?
A bomb.
What?!
A bomb.
I heard that! But why?
Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.
But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land.
That’s different.
How come?
Mickey Mouse is Muslim.
No, he isn’t.
Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon.
On the moon?
Yes. Because the earth is flat and…
What??
The earth is…
I heard that!
Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?
Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you.
No, she wont.
Really?
Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.
God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!
She can’t come.
Why not?
I’ve locked her in the kitchen.
But what for?
A woman’s place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up properly!
But she’s your mother!
She’s also a woman!
So?
So she should be hidden.
Hidden from whom?
The whole world and Tony.
Tony?
Yes, Tony.
But Tony’s a cat.
Yes. But he’s male.
Son, have you gone mad?
No. By the way, I’ve made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.
Kitto?
Yes, Kittto.
But Kitto’s a cat!
Yes. But a female cat.
But she’ll suffocate.
Oh, she’s already dead.
What?
She’s already dead.
I heard that! But how?
I buried her alive.
You what?
Yes. To avenge Tony’s honour. But now I will behead Tony.
But why?
To save mom’s honour!
Oh, God!
Don’t say that. Always say Allah.
What’s the difference?
Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?
No!
Do you want to be stoned to death?
No!
Do you want to be flogged?
No!
Do you want to get your arms chopped off?
No!
Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won’t call you daddy anymore.
What will you call me then?
Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.
I don’t know any Arabic, son.
That’s because you are a kafir.
Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!
What’s a fascist?
An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!
W... aaaaaaa...
Why are you crying?
You scolded me.
Okay, I’m sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.
I have no books.
Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.
I burned them.
What?
I burned them.
But why?
They were all in English.
So?
It’s a non-Muslim language!
But we are speaking English, aren’t we?
W... aaaaaaa…
What now?
Zionists made me forget my Arabic.
But you never knew any Arabic, son.
W... aaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops… aaaaa…
Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?
Sure, dad.
Can you blow up something for me?
Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?
No, no, something a lot more sinister.
Mom?
No, no…
What then?
The TV set!
What?
Blow the TV set.
I heard that! But why?
Just do it!
I see. Dad?
Yes.
You’re so unconstitutional!
Is there anything more left to say honestly. This is a brilliant piece of writing simply because in one imaginary conversation Paracha has managed to highlight one of the most important issues facing Pakistan today, the talibanisation of our society. The fact is the world seems to think the that terrorists and the iraq war and the taliban have really only affected the "civillized", "liberal", "secular" parts of the world. That 9/11 was significant only for the US, well guess what, it wasn't. In barely a decade it has almost destroyed us. I'm done sympathizing with the rest of the world. I'm not going to wear black armbands for mumbai, we suffer the mumbai "carnage" everyday of the week, be it in Karachi or Lahore or Peshawar or Islamabad or Quetta. I'm not going to wear ribbons for Palestine because no muslim country has ever defended us, infact they've stood there pointing fingers at us and making us their scapegoats just so their precious economies don't crumble incase of a mass exodus of american dollars. All the US occupation of Afghanistan has done is pushed the militants into our territory, it hasn't solved anything. It's more like they've been told well you really can't ruin Afghanistan any further, why not cause turmoil in Pakistan, they're muslim too you know, but not very good ones. We are slowly losing every little nuance that defined us as a nation in it's own right, our own people are beginning to forget that we aren't arab, we aren't indian and we're not afghan. We're Pakistani. A beautiful amalgamation of centuries of cultural influences from every region of the world, our entire heritage is like no other. We can trace our lineage back to the indus valley civilisation (ghandara, harrapa, moehenjodaro), the mongols, the persians, the turks, the arabs and even the greeks. Even our language is a mix; turkish and persian and arabic and sanskrit and uncountable smaller regional dialects. We don't belong to any single nation, but are a wondrous people in our own right. I can't understand why we forget that so easily, why we have to constantly prove ourselves to somebody or the other, be they muslim or non-muslim. I'm done pretending I care. But you know what, we're going to make it anyway, we're going to survive through it all, because we still have people who remember what being pakistani means, who are trying as best as they can to retain their identity and trying to remind others of theirs. Be it through writing or music or art or media, some how, we'll survive this disaster as well
Hmmmm....I guess I did have plenty left to say.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
It's About Damn Time.
I thought about it and realized that I never write when I feel like this, deliriously happy for absolutely no fathomable reason. I always write when I'm unhappy but never when I'm happy.
Obviously this happiness is slightly synthetic (ie: hormone induced), since I think it's just one of those rare times when my PMS does not manifest itself as severe clinical depression, instead it comes about as a butterflies-in-my-stomach, heart-beating-erratically, flushed-with-excitement kind of happiness. It's not a bad feeling and infact it's been a long time since I've felt this way. If memory serves correct, I think the last time may have been eleventh grade and that was actually four years ago. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I'm forever wallowing in a pool of my own despair (I know it may seem that way to most, but I'm really not). I'm generally happy enough, I have a good life (mashallah), one that I'm very thankful for. It's just that it's been a very long time since I've felt this sort of unbridled excitement, the kind that makes you feel as if anything is possible and that all sorts of good things are waiting for you round the corner. The sort of feeling that says "your life has just begun, live it"!
So who cares if it's idiotic and erratic and bears a strong resemblance to severe bipolar, and probably won't last past 2pm tomorrow afternoon, when all the caffiene I'm hopped up on wears off and real life (ie: pharma and patho and oral) comes creeping back in. It doesn't matter. I'm happy tonight and I think I'll just leave it at that.
Obviously this happiness is slightly synthetic (ie: hormone induced), since I think it's just one of those rare times when my PMS does not manifest itself as severe clinical depression, instead it comes about as a butterflies-in-my-stomach, heart-beating-erratically, flushed-with-excitement kind of happiness. It's not a bad feeling and infact it's been a long time since I've felt this way. If memory serves correct, I think the last time may have been eleventh grade and that was actually four years ago. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I'm forever wallowing in a pool of my own despair (I know it may seem that way to most, but I'm really not). I'm generally happy enough, I have a good life (mashallah), one that I'm very thankful for. It's just that it's been a very long time since I've felt this sort of unbridled excitement, the kind that makes you feel as if anything is possible and that all sorts of good things are waiting for you round the corner. The sort of feeling that says "your life has just begun, live it"!
So who cares if it's idiotic and erratic and bears a strong resemblance to severe bipolar, and probably won't last past 2pm tomorrow afternoon, when all the caffiene I'm hopped up on wears off and real life (ie: pharma and patho and oral) comes creeping back in. It doesn't matter. I'm happy tonight and I think I'll just leave it at that.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Pretty Sweet.
Cherry menthol inside,
I find you hiding in my bedside pocket,
Come along for the ride,
Cola bottles and a sherbet rocket,
No one knows, what the,
Future holds, if we,
Just hold on, maybe life could be sweet,
Just a quarter of you,
Would be better than this empty record,
Maybe it's true,
You could be as good as barley sugar,
No one knows, what the,
Future holds, if we,
Just hold on, maybe life could be sweet,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for.
Sugar Mouse- Oh, Atoms!
2008 was a work-in-progress kind of year, so I've finally begun to lose that feeling of being stationary. I'm still not entirely sure where I'm headed, and I still don't know what I'm looking for, but things have definitely started changing. I'm finally changing, moving forward again. I got to know myself better in '08, became more comfortable with who I am, worked on the bits of me I'm really not proud of, got out there a bit more, did some things I've always wanted to, faced a few of my fears and worked on facing the rest of them. I've gained a better understanding of the people around me and what they expect of me, as well as what I can realistically expect of them. The changes aren't complete yet, I'm still working on a lot of things. It's going to take time, but I don't mind, I'm pleased enough by the results so far. As for 2009, well, it's like the song says, no one knows what the future holds, but if we just hold on maybe life can be sweet. Though to be really honest, I've always preferred things slightly bittersweet, so I'd never say no to a little bit of drama ;)
I find you hiding in my bedside pocket,
Come along for the ride,
Cola bottles and a sherbet rocket,
No one knows, what the,
Future holds, if we,
Just hold on, maybe life could be sweet,
Just a quarter of you,
Would be better than this empty record,
Maybe it's true,
You could be as good as barley sugar,
No one knows, what the,
Future holds, if we,
Just hold on, maybe life could be sweet,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for,
I am wishing what you're wishing for,
And i am hoping what you're hoping for.
Sugar Mouse- Oh, Atoms!
2008 was a work-in-progress kind of year, so I've finally begun to lose that feeling of being stationary. I'm still not entirely sure where I'm headed, and I still don't know what I'm looking for, but things have definitely started changing. I'm finally changing, moving forward again. I got to know myself better in '08, became more comfortable with who I am, worked on the bits of me I'm really not proud of, got out there a bit more, did some things I've always wanted to, faced a few of my fears and worked on facing the rest of them. I've gained a better understanding of the people around me and what they expect of me, as well as what I can realistically expect of them. The changes aren't complete yet, I'm still working on a lot of things. It's going to take time, but I don't mind, I'm pleased enough by the results so far. As for 2009, well, it's like the song says, no one knows what the future holds, but if we just hold on maybe life can be sweet. Though to be really honest, I've always preferred things slightly bittersweet, so I'd never say no to a little bit of drama ;)
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